Generativity - The Summit Of The Recovery Pyramid

We have reached the peak of the Recovery Pyramid! This level of the Hierarchy of Recovery is called Generativity. This term was coined by the Psychologist Erik Erikson, to identify the final goal  in life. Maslow said the ultimate goal is Self Actualization, Erikson said it is Generativity. Erikson identified choices at every stage of life, the final choice being between Stagnation and Generativity. In old age we can either stagnate or give back. Giving back a lifetime of knowledge and wisdom to younger generations is Generativity. I chose this term for the peak of the Recovery Pyramid because giving back is the ultimate expression of recovery. Giving back is how we actualize our recovery.

Maslow posited the percentage of people who achieve Self Actualization as being below 1% of the overall population. The percentage of recovering people who reach Generativity is much higher than that. For people working a 12 step program this is the stage of recovery in which they work their 12th step. Carrying the message of recovery and living a principled life turns out to be the secret to happiness.

As the addict or alcoholic descends the Lowarchy of Highs he becomes more and more dependent on fewer and fewer people. Eventually there are only one or two people left to depend on (Mom and Dad?) and the addict has a parasitic relationship with them. This devolution to parasitism is not only ended it is reversed in recovery. At the top of the Recovery Pyramid the former parasite is transformed into a nurturer. She now has something to give and she comes to realize that giving is the most rewarding thing she can do.

Just as in Maslows Pyramid, in the Recovery Pyramid every level must be in place in order to reach the apex. Achieving Generativity depends on maintaining Abstinence, Support, Belonging and Accomplishment.

How long does it take to reach Generativity? In some ways it begins almost immediately. This is because people in an organized recovery program, such as NA or AA, are all their to help each other. Newcomers are just as necessary as old timers. The process begins right away but it deepens and becomes more intuitive as recovery progresses.

I hope everyone reading this gets to experience Generativity. When you do, you will know how important we are to each other.






Russell P. Mai, LCDC, AAC

Accomplishment - Recovery Is getting Really Good!

Accomplishment, is the level on the Recovery Pyramid corresponding to the Esteem level on Maslows Pyramid and the Performance Highs level on the Lowarchy of Highs. Using drugs for a Performance High wound up diminishing our esteem both in the eyes of others and ultimately our self esteem. The achievements we make in recovery constitute the Accomplishment level of the Hierarchy of Recovery.

Accomplishment is how recovering people restore their esteem, both self esteem and the respect of others. When a recovering person knows she is able to achieve more because she is in recovery, it makes staying in recovery more important, more satisfying, more rewarding. Without Accomplishment recovery would hold less value.

Recovery is progressive and sustained recovery typically involves more achievement than intermittent recovery. Even so it is important to recognize that Accomplishment begins immediately for those entering a recovery program such as AA or NA. At a persons first meeting they are offered a "desire chip" in AA or a "beginners" key chain in NA. Picking up one these tokens of commitment is a significant Accomplishment.

With each milestone of recovery (30, 60, 90 days then six months, nine months and one year) the newcomer experiences a significant achievement. The tokens she collects have no intrinsic value but they are priceless to her. The first time he identifies himself as an alcoholic at an AA meeting is an achievement. Chairing a meeting is a big deal. When people talk at meetings others keep quiet and listen, respect seldom given in other circumstances.

Accomplishment is not limited to the confines of recovery programs. When a recovering addict regains the trust of her family this is an Accomplishment! When a former drunk who used to come to work late and hungover, now shows up on time and ready for work this is an Accomplishment! A father keeping his promises to his children when he had always let them down before, this is an Accomplishment! Former liars who are now honest have achieved something very important!

The Accomplishment level of the Recovery Pyramid is not about making a million bucks! (Although it's fine if you do.) It's not about getting a PhD. (Although it's fine if you do.) What it is about is those little one day at time achievements. It is about those do the next right thing achievements. It is these every day achievements which lead to respecting the person you see in the mirror in the morning. The addict who used to see a no good SOB in the mirror and now sees a decent human being has achieved something important. The alcoholic who could not stand herself and now enjoys her own company has achieved a miracle!

Accomplishment is a very rewarding stage in the Hierarchy of Recovery, but it is not as good as it gets! We'll look at the peak of the Recovery Pyramid next time.








Russell P. Mai, LCDC, AAC

Belonging - Where Thriving In Recovery Begins

Previously I described the first two levels of the Recovery Pyramid, Abstinence and Support, these two levels constitute survival level recovery. Survival level recovery is bleak at best. It is doubtful that any but the most stoic individuals would find it tolerable for long.

The next stage in the Hierarchy of Recovery is Belonging (in the language of AA "Fellowship"). Failure to achieve a sense or feeling of Belonging in recovery is a prime reason people relapse, especially within the first year or two of recovery. Belonging is essential to most people. Without a sense of belonging the addict feels isolated. He is like a fish out of water. She no longer fits in with her old drinking buddies but also feels like an alien in her AA group.

Belonging requires trust. We do not get a warm fuzzy feeling from hanging out with people we mistrust. Superficial friendships feel contrived and hollow. Nobody really enjoys making small talk. With real friends silence is often quite comfortable. The only way this happens is through trust and trust requires vulnerability. Trusting a person means feeling safe being vulnerable to that person. This means taking a risk. To trust you I must risk becoming vulnerable with you. People unwilling to risk vulnerability to the appropriate people will never thrive in their recovery.

The addict who does not have a sense of Belonging in his NA group will probably start hanging out with his old running buddies. The alcoholic who feels alienated from AA members will go back to her favorite bar. The addict hanging out with her old friends will feel isolated from them. The alcoholic sipping Diet Coke at the bar will be bored and lonely. The only cure for this sense of isolation will be getting drunk, or getting high (maybe both), going for the Acceptance High. Soon they are back at the bottom of the Lowarchy of Highs.

The only real solution is to get vulnerable with the appropriate people. Most people in early recovery would like this to mean a husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend. This understandable desire is invariably misguided! Our enablers cannot offer real Support, neither are they prepared to shoulder the toxic burden resulting from an addict or alcoholic dumping their shame and guilt into their codependent lap for safekeeping. The appropriate people are others in recovery. They must not however be sex partners, this sort of putrid intimacy results in mutual hostage holding.

The addict/alcoholic freed of his secrets breathes free for the first time. The facade of false pride once toppled lets out the septic secrets whose stench has poisoned her every breath. We move from survival level recovery to thriving in recovery.

It is no surprise that many recovering people report finding a sense of Belonging after completing a fifth step. After sharing the "exact nature of all these wrongs" with "another human being" they experince profound trust. With profound trust comes a profound sense of Belonging. It is a big, big risk but it is totally worth it!

Walking into any AA group or any NA group anywhere in the world and knowing you belong (not some abstract knowing but realizing to your innermost self that you fit like a glove) is something everyone in recovery has available to them. All it requires is the courage to trust the friends you are yet to meet! Recovery is not for faint hearts.

Next time, Achievement (I can hardly wait).








Russell P. Mai, LCDC, AAC

Support - Stage Two On The Recovery Pyramid

Support is the second stage of recovery. The truth of course is, Support is so necessary for sustaining Abstinence that, these two stages of recovery are practically simultaneous. Support on the Recovery Pyramid corresponds to the Safety and Shelter Needs on Maslows Pyramid. In recovery these needs are called Support. Long-term Abstinence without Support is extremely unlikely, in fact it is virtually impossible to remain substance free without some support system. Support systems vary widely in intensity and frequency. Early Abstinence is a time for more Support.

Support needs can vary a great deal. Some people may need an initial Support system which includes around the clock medical observation. This is rare but, using a residential substance treatment program as an initial Support system is pretty common these days. The rule is it is far better to have too much Support as opposed to not enough. Not having enough Support after all can be fatal! Halfway houses are Support. These examples are temporary Support. No one is going spend the rest of her life under medical observation. No one is going to live out his days in a residential treatment center. The same goes for living in a halfway house, nobody does that forever! Long-term Support is essential but such intense Support systems as the preceding are not practical lifelong answers to this need.

Guys like me (Counselors or Therapists) typically recommend AA and NA as Support. We do this for a number of pretty good reasons. For one thing AA and NA are ubiquitous, if you need a meeting most likely you can find one. Major cities have thousands of meetings each week, small cities have dozens, and even small towns will support one or meetings on a regular basis. Another reason we recommend AA and NA is these are Support systems that know how to actually be supportive. It would be great if family members and our old running buddies could be a Support system. They cannot. The reason they cannot is they do not know how to be supportive, they are great at enabling but no good at all as a Support system. The final reason for using AA and NA as Support is they are probably going to be essential to meeting the needs on the upper levels of the Hierarchy of Recovery. Therefore it makes sense to use them as Support, after all you are going to wind up using them anyway.

Recall that the first two levels on Maslows Pyramid encompassed the survival needs. The first two levels on the Recovery Pyramid encompass the needs which must be met in order for recovery to survive. Most people do not want to live at the level of mere survival, they want more. Just surviving kind of sucks! It is the same with recovery. Survival level recovery kind of sucks too! Don't settle for it. Your recovery deserves to be on a loftier level. We'll look at the first of these higher level recovery needs next time.








Russell P. Mai, LCDC, AAC

Abstinence - The First Stage Of Recovery

The first stage of recovery is Abstinence. People often confuse Abstinence with recovery. Actually Abstinence is only the first stage of recovery. Abstinence is the foundation upon which recovery is built. Abstinence is not easy. People in recovery have all the same needs as everyone else, all the needs on Maslows Hierarchy of Needs. In addition to those needs people in recovery have recovery needs which are peculiar to them and not to ordinary people (here ordinary means people unaffected by addiction).

At the bottom of Maslows Pyramid are the Physical Needs (food, water, oxygen). The Physical Need at the bottom of the Recovery Pyramid is Abstinence. If a person is starving he needs food, if he is dieing of thirst he needs water. The answer to meeting his needs per Maslows Hierarchy is to fulfill them. But what if the person is an alcoholic and his thirst is for another drink of liquor? What if he's an addict and hungers for his next fix? What then? This is where the Hierarchy of Recovery starkly contrasts with Maslows Hierarchy of Needs. The Hierarchy of Recovery instead instructs the alcoholic to ignore her thirst to let it go unquenched. It tells the addict to starve herself of drugs. This is a tall order to meet!

Abstinence is so difficult that recovery programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous encourage their members to take it "one day at a time." Sometimes they encourage newcomers to abstain for just an hour even five minutes at a time! Whatever it takes to lay a foundation for recovery is what must be done. Abstinence alone is not likely to be sustainable. Next time we will look at Support the next level of the Recovery Pyramid.





Russell P. Mai, LCDC, AAC

The Anesthetic Highs

The Anesthetic Highs are the final stage in the downward progression of addiction. When we think of anesthetics, we think of pain killing drugs. That is not precisely how I am using this word when describing this final stage of addiction. Take a look at the post on Maslow's Pyramid. The bottom level of Maslow's Pyramid is the level of Physical Needs (food, water, oxygen). A person dieing of hunger is in pain, hunger pain. A person dieing of asphyxiation is in pain too, and so is someone dieing of thirst. These are the types of pain that motivate addicts to seek an Anesthetic High.

An alcoholic is a man dieing of thirst. Water will not quench his thirst. Neither will alcohol but, the alcoholic thinks it will, if he drinks enough. A drug addict is a woman starving for a drug. Her hunger is insatiable but, she nevertheless uses more and more drugs in a vain attempt to satiate it. These people feel empty and desperate. They use alcohol and or drugs hoping for any brief respite from their torment. Of course they are only feeding their addiction, not themselves, and so they are doomed.

Denial evaporates at this stage of addiction. The trouble is now it is too late to quit! The addict can no longer face life without her drug, even though she knows her drug is destroying her life. Way back during the Arrogant Highs or even during the Performance Highs the addict told himself he would quit if it ever got this bad. The trouble is, once it gets this bad, he can no longer quit! The addict at this stage is reduced to utter hopelessness. He is a candidate for suicide. She may just give up and drink herself to death.

How long does it take to descend from the top of the Lowarchy of Highs to the bottom? To go from the euphoria of the Arrogant Highs to the desperation of the Anesthetic Highs? The answer is, it depends. It depends on the person's vulnerability to addiction. It depends on the drug or drugs he is using. It depends on the age she started using. To some extent it depends on gender.

Some  people are more vulnerable to addiction than others. They may become addicted very rapidly. Some drugs are more addictive than others. People using narcotics get addicted really fast. Children and adolescents get addicted much faster than adults. And unfortunately for women they get addicted quicker than men. So a young girl using heroin would become addicted faster than anyone I guess. The truth is the process of addiction is subtle but fast. People become hopelessly addicted before they know it. It may take years or, could only take months, either way it happens to them in a subtle sneaky way they fail to fully comprehend until it is too late.

Fortunately there is a way out, it is not easy though. More about this later.





Russell P. Mai, LCDC, AAC

The Protective Highs

Last time I ended the post on the Acceptance Highs, (after quoting my two examples who both said, "I'll quit if it gets worse,") with the negative assurance that it gets worse. Which brings us to this posting on what I call the "Protective Highs." Before talking about them it might be good to look back at Maslow's Pyramid. The highs we have been looking at so far (Arrogant Highs, Performance Highs and Acceptance Highs) correspond to the three upper levels of Maslow's Pyramid (Belonging, Esteem and Self Actualization Needs). So far we have looked at how drug or alcohol induced highs replace these needs. The addict is no longer meeting his Self Actualization, Esteem or Belonging Needs. This is bad but, the next two levels of needs on Maslow's Pyramid are survival needs. The highs we are going to look at now displace survival needs. When the addict uses to get these highs she begins to ignore her survival needs in favor of getting high. This does not mean that the person using for an Arrogant High cannot accidentally overdose himself or crash his car into tree. That kind of stuff happens a lot. What it does mean is that now the addict's use routinely interferes with her ability to meet her survival needs.

The Protective Highs correspond to the Safety and Shelter Needs on Maslow's Pyramid. The addict pursues these highs at the expense of meeting his Safety and Shelter Needs. The Protective High gives a feeling of safety while in reality placing the addict in greater danger. Is it safer to be drunk or to be sober? Is it safer to be high or to not be high? The alcoholic feels safer when she's drunk but she's really at more risk. I once worked with a guy who used to say that when he got home from work he was going to open a bottle of Scotch and "turn into another lump in the sofa." When a person drinks to get that drunk they are using to reach a state of oblivion. When I taught the repeat offenders class to people with multiple DWI's every single one of them had thought everything was going to be okay when they again drove drunk, they were oblivious to the danger. Oblivion is a Protective High. It is the type of Protective High that comes from using sedative drugs like alcohol, tranquilizers, narcotics or even marijuana. There is whole other type of Protective High which comes from using stimulants like crack, cocaine or methamphetamine.

The Protective High in stimulants has to do with sustaining the high. Once the crack addict is high she is afraid of coming down and she keeps on using to Protect herself from coming down. She starts out by going to her ATM withdrawing enough money to buy a "rock" of cocaine. Then she drives to meet her crack dealer and buys a rock. Then she goes back to her apartment and smokes it. She decides that rock wan't enough. She goes back to the ATM, back to the crack man, back to her apartment, smokes it, back to her ATM, back to the crack man, back home, smokes it, back to the ATM.... On and on it goes all night long on an eighth of a tank of gas until her bank account is empty! Why? Because she is afraid of coming down!

I once worked with a homeless man who had been expelled from the only shelter available to him on Galveston Island. He told me that if he had to spend the night on the streets of downtown Galveston he was going to get drunk. I asked him if he was more likely to get rolled (robbed while passed out) drunk or sober? He replied, "drunk." I asked him if he was more likely to be severely beaten by one of youth gangs looking for victims if drunk or if sober? He replied, "drunk." I asked him if did not make more sense to stay sober than it did to get drunk? He replied, "I can't face it out there sober!" adding "If I got to spend the night on the street I am getting drunk." In other words he would prefer the illusion of safety provided by a Protective High to actual safety!

During the Protective Highs stage of addiction the Safety and Shelter Needs are neglected. They fall by the wayside. The addict smokes up his rent money. The alcoholic drinks up her insurance payment. Taking care of Safety and Shelter Needs is ignored in favor of the desperate search for a Protective High. Family and friends often enable the addict by lending him money to pay bills or rent. The addict gets high instead. The addict's parents let her move back home, now she does not have to even consider her Safety and Shelter Needs and can spend all of her and all of their money on getting loaded!

Ask the person using for Protective High about their drug or alcohol use and he might blow his stack! She might cuss you out! The alcoholic does this because he feels threatened by the query. She knows that sooner or later something terrible is bound to happen if she does not stop! On the other hand the very thought of stopping scares him to death! He needs to quit before it's too late but he can't face life without it. The addict is a scared, angry and confused mess at this point in her addiction. More and more he alienates all those around him. She resents people butting into her affairs but is desperately lonely and afraid.

Still this is the next to last stage of addiction not the last, when it comes to addiction things can always get worse. We will see how much worse next time.








Russell P. Mai, LCDC, AAC