Resentment

The book Alcoholics Anonymous describes resentment as “the number one offender” when it comes to issues which can lead to relapse. Addicts and alcoholics who have experienced relapse, commonly report that the thought running through their minds immediately prior to picking up a drink or a drug was “fuck it!” (An expression of despair) This despairing attitude seems to be the result of a more or less general resentment at the world.

How does this general resentment come about and how can it be prevented?

Recognizing how generalized resentment comes about can help in learning how to prevent it. So it makes sense to start there. You can compare resentment to a forest fire. After all we often describe anger as being “burned up.” Giant conflagrations can begin with a single spark. There may be many sparks before one takes hold and turns into a wildfire.

When a person gets angry a spark is fired! Now let’s be honest and admit that anger probably inevitable. Sooner or later we’re going to get pissed off about something. What we do once we are angry determines our fate.

Justification is the way by which anger is turned into resentment. It is like blowing air onto a glowing ember until it jumps into a flame and eventually burns out of control.

Justification is defending anger. It is telling yourself or others, “I have a right to be angry!” Justification is self-righteously fueling a grudge. It is a form of emotional self-immolation IE: burning yourself up. Addicts and alcoholics may be no more prone to this than others are.

Probably almost all domestic violence, most assaults and very many murders are the product of resentment. Even on a less drastic scale resentment is probably the cause of much misery from rude behavior to road rage.

For people in recovery from addiction and alcoholism resentment is suicidal.

Stop defending your anger. Sure you have a right to be angry. Everybody does. We could all be angry all the time.  What would be the sense of that?

Let go of anger. Anger will happen but it does not have to last. “Would you rather be right or be happy?” How often have you heard that question? Let go of justifying your anger. In peace watch the flame lull and then disappear, watch the ember lose its glow. I was angry but now I am at peace.